My BIG deal month of MAY

Now I can finally tell my story why I am even here doing blogging.  First to express my feelings as what they said just write and it can come or will flow naturally… so here goes.

Yes, it sure is my big deal month of May as this is the month that I think my life will change… I hope for the better and for the sake of the family.

Now, how can you describe the feeling of fear, anticipation, and excitement at the same time and sometimes one after another?  It depends on my mood of the day haha!  I am in a mixture of all these emotions and perhaps the first two feelings for the past 2 years!  Now adding excitement to the mix is somehow makes it better or sound positive. Let me explain as perhaps some of you will scratch their head and say “Duh?”… or some can relate and know what I mean.

Fear – as I have a good job that I love with good pay is not something I can discard after 8 years just to follow someone else dreams. Fear of losing this comfort is giving me a hard time giving this up plus living in one of the beautiful countries in the World which is New Zealand somehow makes me think is there a better life and opportunity elsewhere that I will feel comfortable and be happy?

Anticipation – WELL … part of me really anticipates this new transition in life.  From expecting to live in Switzerland then Australia than now the Middle East! (Secret location wink! haha! follow me so you may know).  I have so many words to describe this feeling… “butterfly in the stomach”, “tossing and turning in bed” as I overthink what will the future be… for me (I am not being selfish here as I know for my hubby and son they will be alright). This type of feeling also creates some “drama” as the more I anticipate something good or bad the more I want some reassurances that everything will be fine.

Excitement – This is how I can describe my feelings nowadays… so I borrow these lines below… yep I need to google and see how best to describe me… well this is after some time. I have to be brave and need to overcome my fear as it is surely better to feel excited than fearing something unknown. And yes I finally realized I am getting excited!

“Don’t you long for something different to happen, something so exciting and new it carries you along with it like a great tide, something that lets your life blaze and burn so the whole world can see it?” 

― Juliet Marillier, Son of the Shadows

To sum it all up… another quote… Yes please!…